I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I fill condoms, not promises.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
