I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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