last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
