It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
