hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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