I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
