Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
