Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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