Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
