I hate your face
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
