What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize