fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you win again, gameday.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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