No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
