remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I got inside last night via doggy door
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
