well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
