i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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