Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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