Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
