so let's talk penis.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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