I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
