she kept yelling 'call me bella'
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
