Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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