where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
