Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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