Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
