If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
do nipples grow back?
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