Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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