Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
