just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
