Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
