she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
do herpes really smell.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
