Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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