Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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