i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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