friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
