dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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