the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
