he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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