Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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