you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
