She's JV to your varsity
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
do nipples grow back?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
