Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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