No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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