I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize