why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
