tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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