I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
