Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
