Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
