I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just invented taco cereal.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
