At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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