She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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