marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
