high people should be assigned attendants
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
