I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
