My sheets look like a crime scene.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
