no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
