you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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