He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
