youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
me + whiskey = a bad person
I would ride that face into the sunset
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
