I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize