sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Enjoy the penises
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
