I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You can't just leave with hair like that
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
