your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
