Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
