Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
