I just saw a hot homeless man
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
