6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
