Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
