She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize