White coat. Heels.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
