He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
