Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
