My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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