I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize