Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
