AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
