Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize