She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i think i just lost a toe
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
