I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize