Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
